Like A Bolt Of Lightning From A Clear Blue Sky
by Aslan1
Summary: Buffy gets a chance to see how things would have worked out had she chosen Xander instead of Angel, and just how important her existence is to someone close to her.
1. Default Chapter

From: Aslan (aslan_g@mailcity.com)  
  
Type:Fanfic  
  
Show: Buffy The Vampire Slayer  
  
Title: Like A Bolt Of Lightning From A Clear Blue Sky  
  
Part: 1/13 : A Little Death  
  
Author: Aslan  
  
E-Mail: aslan_g@mailcity.com  
  
Rating: R?  
  
Summary: Buffy gets a chance to see how things would have worked out had she chosen Xander instead of Angel, and just how important her existence is to someone close to her!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from the show, Joss, The Wb, yada, yada, yada.  
  
Inspiration was received from John Mellencamp's song "Eden Is Burning" I do not own it either(unfortunately)It belongs to John Mellencamp and Columbia Records. I was also inspired by a fic by Jai-L (a Tremendous writer)"How it's Supposed to be..."  
  
Distribution: If you want it ask, and let me know where it is.  
  
FeedBack: Please...This is the first fic I've submitted of my very own.  
  
Spoilers: Everything and nothing. I rewrite Season 2.  
  
Author's notes : Dedicated to my Krac Babee. For her unending support, and for all those times she let me read it over (and over) to her on the phone! Thanks to everyone on the BX_Fanfic and Xanderbetareaders lists, especially Mash, Nick, Erin, Sonya, Queytin and Dale for their support and encouragement since I started writing. And last but certainly not least, Thanks to Rick.  
  
  
  
  
  
Like A Bolt Of Lightning From A Clear Blue Sky  
  
Pt.1: A Little Death  
  
Overhead the sky was rumbling and shaking with thunder, as lightning streaked across the crisp autumn night. The clouds above released large, fat drops of rain into the increasing wind around the Sunnydale Memorial Cemetery, the oldest of the too many graveyards in the small California town.  
  
At the remote end of the cemetery, farthest away from the street, between the woods that marked the end of its territory lay a dark shape against a set of Mausoleum doors. At each flash of lightning a crumpled figure was silhouetted against the darkness of the storm, like a x-ray.  
  
On the hard ground lay a fragile form, broken and bruised beyond all hope of salvation. The darkness of the night surrounded her in death-protected her-as it never could in life. The cold rain-washed her body clean. She seemed to be bathed in blood, thick, dark, congealing as it dried, now it was all being washed away, a testament to her life perhaps.  
  
In her line of work the legend lasts only til death, then another is called. The old forgotten even before the blood is dry. It is perhaps a fitting end for one baptized in blood to die in it as well. For the death of a vampire slayer is not much of a surprise. It is expected. Awaited as an inevitability. Once one has been called it is only a matter of time. It is a death sentence with no predetermined conclusion, except that it always ends the same, in pain, and the inescapable deluge of blood.  
  
*****************  
  
As the strongest storm to hit California in ten years continued to ravage the coast, Buffy Summers; the current vampire slayer awoke in the creepy darkness of Sunnydale Memorial Cemetery with a headache the size of the Himalayas and a bad mood to match. She was surprised to see how hard it was raining and rubbed the back of her neck with discomfort.  
  
"It hurts, doesn't it?" A sympathetic male voice called from behind her.  
  
Buffy whirled in surprise, getting into her famous fighting stance quicker than human eyes could possibly follow.  
  
There, poised leisurely on a gravestone sat a short man decked out in a fedora and a grotesque hawaiian print shirt, it looked like good taste was as foreign to him as tact was to Cordelia Chase.  
  
"Whistler?" Buffy asked surprised.  
  
The strange man responded by sliding down from his perch and heading towards the reluctant vampire slayer. If he responded Buffy didn't hear because it was at this point that Buffy realized that although it was raining, it wasn't raining on her. She was no longer wet, no longer cold, but the rain around her continued. It would have been comical if it had been happening to someone else, Buffy thought in rising alarm, but unfortunately it wasn't.  
  
At her confusion Whistler moved forward to explain, and cried out to stop her but it was too late. As she turned around the way she had come she noticed the inert figure on the ground and recognized it. With recognition came a myriad of disconcerting emotions... horror, fear, disbelief and most unsettling of all a moment of profound relief. No more waiting for the other shoe to drop, no more uncertainty, no more pain or at least that was what she thought until her memories crashed into her brain like a runaway locomotive. The mental agony was deafening, blinding and unsurprisingly the slayer fell to the assault as she crumpled unconscious to the ground.  
  
Whistler could do nothing to stop the girl's agony; they had much to do in a short span of time. He deftly picked the slayer up and made the necessary arrangements to move them to a place more congenial to his business and taste than Sunnydale's oldest cemetery in the throes of the storm of the century.  
  
Pt.2: Hit First Ask Questions Later  
  
When Buffy awoke, it was no longer raining because she was no longer in Sunnydale. The memories of her death were intact now but somehow she didn't believe this was 'heaven.' Her years as a slayer had taught her many things, but faith in some higher being wasn't one of those things.  
  
She quickly but cautiously stood to survey her surroundings; a high grassy cliff, looking out over a beautiful Mediterranean Sea, tall willow trees swung gently in the hint of a spring breeze. A large wood stood guard as far as she could see and wildflowers dotted the landscape in abundance. The air was clean and fresh and danced to the birdsong carried on the wind, the scent of roses and other flowers clung to this New World like dew. It was paradise.  
  
Her clothing had also changed, from her basic black slaying gear to a long rose colored gown of silk and lace that hung about her like a dream. She didn't need to see Whistler to know he was there now.  
  
"You seem to like sneaking up on me. I would recommend you stop doing that- Sometimes I can get pretty jumpy. I'm the kind of girl who swings first and asks questions later, alright?" Buffy stated cockily swinging her raised fist in his general direction.  
  
"You don't need to be hostile, Kid. I know this can't be easy for you?" Whistler was trying his best to be diplomatic but he had never been known for his patience.  
  
"Where are we?" Buffy asked pointedly, "Heaven?"  
  
Whistler grinned, "Where do you want to be?"  
  
Buffy was getting tired of dancing to this tune, "Where are we, Whistler, cut the crap and tell me now!"  
  
"We are, to put it simply in between worlds in a place created by your mind, in your paradise. The place you've created for yourself in your dreams and wishes, a safe haven created to enhance your calm."  
  
"Between worlds, my creation...enhance my calm? What have you been smoking cause I think you must be loopy!" Buffy cried in anger and confusion. Unfortunately however she had seen too many strange phenomena to doubt him entirely.  
  
"We are in a state between life and death, heaven and hell, frankly Buff, May I call you Buff?" Whistler asked but continued on without waiting for her answer. "We are in a type of purgatory - kind of a limbo between worlds, where we are neither alive nor dead." Whistler stated judiciously.  
  
Buffy tried to wrap her head around all of this but she was just too confused. "What does this mean exactly? I mean, I am dead; why did I end up here?" Buffy whispered softly.  
  
"It means Kid, that after we talk you have the choice to go back to your life and really live it, or to stay here forever."  
  
Buffy's voice was hushed as she repeated his last words; "I can go back? How? Why?"  
  
Whistler shrugged, "Beats me kid, but someone up there seems to like you a whole lot!"  
  
"Ok, so what do we talk about?" Buffy asked cautiously as she turned to sit cross-legged in the grass. "Is it, Angel?" Buffy asked a little timidly. "Cause we worked out that whole Angelus, Acathla, and sending him to hell thing, really we're great now!" The girl ended with a broad smile, but he could see something else in her eyes that belied the seeming cheerfulness of her statement.  
  
Inside Whistler groaned this was going to be even harder than he had imagined.  
  
"Before we start Buffy, you have to understand you will be required to listen to me until I'm done. You can't walk away from this, no matter how it makes you feel. You may hear and see some things you may not like but, you can't walk out on this or you forfeit your only way back. Do you understand me?" The seriousness and conviction with which Whistler ended his speech left Buffy unnerved but she couldn't answer with anything but...  
  
"Yeah, Yes I understand. I'll listen. Quietly." She added this last at the disdainful expression on his face. "I won't leave no matter what happens, besides where would I go, anyway?" Buffy asked with a grim smile. "Let's just get on with it, ok? What is this all about?"  
  
"Actually, it's about your love life, surprisingly enough." Whistler spoke with great reluctance to the startled blonde Slayer.  
  
Buffy was incredulous, "My love life, are you kidding?"  
  
Whistler grimaced "I wish, I was kidding! But you've made such a mess out of it, someone just had to step in..."  
  
"Now I know you can't be serious. I died and you're worried about my LOVE LIFE? Do you know how crazy that is?" Buffy cried, disbelieving.  
  
"You said you'd listen!" Whistler admonished quickly; Buffy gave him the evil eye then reluctantly motioned for him to continue. He simply continued to look at her with a mixture of sorrow and sympathy in his eyes the likes of which she had seen only once before, from a good friend just after the last time she had died. It calmed her a little, thinking of her friend, so that she was ready to hear what the demon in front of her had to say. But the first words out of his mouth still threw her for a loop, sending her heart and her world reeling from the impact.  
  
"Buffy, You were never meant to fall in love with Angel, The two of you were just never meant to be. There can be no future in loving him you see that, don't you?"  
  
His voice was soft but his words cut her like a knife, bringing out all the truths into the harsh light of day that she had kept closely hidden in the comforting darkness of her mind. Her rational side was glad someone had finally said it out loud but the other-larger-part of her that had already lost too much had began to scream and before she could stop herself- her fist was flying towards the surprised demon sitting across from her.  
  
  
  
Pt.3: The White Knight  
  
Fortunately Whistler was too quick for her, he saw the anger building in her eyes and as she moved into the swing he leaned back. Her momentum carried her towards him; he grabbed her arm and pulled her roughly into his strong arms. His superior strength kept all further resistance at bay, but it didn't stop her tears.  
  
"Buffy you've got to be calm, you promised you'd listen? Do I have to tie you up and gag you to get you to let me finish? Please Buffy, stop crying." Whistler was pleading now, he had never been good at this sort of thing, and he never knew what to do when a woman started to cry.  
  
"What, you rip out my heart and expect me to listen without feeling anything? You think you can destroy my dreams, take away the last consolation left in my life and expect me to laugh it off? What kind of monster are you...?" Buffy sobbed, but Whistler cut her off.  
  
"I don't think I was the one who played havoc on your heart, honey. You and Angel did that quite fine on your own. You see, I picked Angel up out of the gutter to help you to accept your destiny-not to start any big star- crossed romance. I knew he had great potential to help the world. I just never thought he'd help himself to you. It was supposed to be a guiding, teaching, helping kind of thing nothing more. Period. But the two of you had to go all googly-eyed for each other, and ruin everything."  
  
"How did we ruin everything?" Buffy whispered coldly.  
  
"Because Buffy you were meant for someone else, someone who could and did love you completely; your soulmate. But instead of finding true love, you followed your hormones...You threw away love for lust."  
  
"That's not fair!" Buffy sobbed "I do love Angel! With all my heart!"  
  
"Yeah, I know it grew into love, but where did it get you? One moment of bliss and Angel turned into a psychopath, broke your heart, tried to kill you and your friends-even succeeded with a few. Now it's a tarnished love and it will only lead to your destruction." Whistler stated simply, "You know it and so do I, there is no future there, no comfort."  
  
He let Buffy go and she reclaimed her earlier spot, "Who was it? My Soulmate, who was it?"  
  
"Who is it?" Whistler responded grinning.  
  
"Whatever." Buffy responded disgustedly.  
  
"Can you guess?" Whistler asked softly, sadly.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes she couldn't say it, the name that rested on her lips and in her heart, she just couldn't say it.  
  
"When Angel was still Angelus, he called him your 'White Knight'. I actually think the demon was jealous of him because he never gave up. Whenever you needed him he was right there, to comfort, or fight, or protect you, despite the fact that you were the slayer and he was just a man, he never gave up on you. Not even when you gave up on yourself."  
  
"That's not true! When I came back after I ran away, he hated me, he gave up on me then!" Buffy sobbed angrily.  
  
"Don't mistake anger, hurt, and guilt for hate Buffy. Xander has never hated you, never." Whistler responded softly.  
  
"It doesn't matter anyway, I don't love him, I never have at least not in that way." Buffy declared feelingly and a little desperately.  
  
"How can you be so sure of that?" Whistler asked her. "When you never even gave him a chance? Besides Buffy, I think you care more for him than you've ever admitted to yourself. Why didn't you confront him with his lie?" Whistler asked curiously. Buffy looked up in surprise, "You know the one I'm talking about." he grinned. "You were the only one who knew what he said to you before you went into the mansion to face Angelus and Acathla. You found out Willow retried the spell when you got back from L.A. and you were the only one who saw Angel's soul restored, so why didn't you tell on him, or at least confront him about it?"  
  
"I didn't see any point in it really, we'd already lost so much...I didn't want to lose him too." Whistler was grinning stupidly and Buffy could barely restrain the blush that was creeping up her neck.  
  
"To better make my point Buff, I'm going to show you a few things ok?" Whistler asked casually. Buffy was relieved to move on to something else.  
  
"Sure, what is it? I mean it can't get any worse can it?" she asked gamely. Then winced at her words, which she was sure, would result in some new trauma for her to endure.  
  
Whistler couldn't help but laugh at the expression on her face. "I'm going to show you a little of what would've happened if you'd accepted Xander's invitation to the Spring Fling, the first time he asked, and what might happen if you choose not to go back to your body in Sunnydale." Whistler pronounced with a flourish.  
  
  
  
Pt.4: So It Begins…  
  
Buffy watched as Whistler picked himself up from the ground and knelt before her on bended knee, like a Knight kneeling before his Queen. "You're not going to ask me to marry you, are you, Whistler?" Buffy giggled.  
  
Whistler gave her 'the look', that exasperated and harried look she received from Giles at least a hundred times a day. She'd seen it so many times it was easy to recognize, it meant she was pushing his patience beyond the limit, so she retreated into her thoughts.  
  
Her thoughts took her back to Whistler's earlier comments about Xander. Kneeling like a knight, a White Knight perhaps...She could almost hear Angelus' cold, deadly voice in her head mockingly declaring Xander her 'White Knight.' She could only imagine how it must have hurt him. It must have been like rubbing salt into an open wound. How many times had she thrown his love for her back into his face, it must have killed him to hear those mocking words from the brutal vampire. From the one she supposedly loved with all her heart, Xander's rage and jealousy must have been more than he could stand.  
  
Then Buffy was caught off guard, Whistler's face was suddenly right in front of hers; she was so startled she almost fell over. She quickly reoriented herself and grabbed the demon's arm to keep herself level. Her brusque comeback was cut off as Whistler began his instructions...  
  
"Once inside we won't be able to communicate, Buff, you'll be on your own. You won't be able to ask any questions then, so don't try. First you'll see what would have happened had you chosen Xander over Angel, and then we'll get to the fun stuff. In this new world, you'll be like a ghost, No one will be able to see or hear you. You can't participate or meddle with events that occur, you are strictly an observer. Got it? It's going to hurt a little, but just for a few moments, ok?" Whistler stated pointedly.  
  
Buffy was still badly confused but decided to humor him, "Right, let's get going! Where are we going anyway?"  
  
Whistler grinned, "Well, we're not actually going anywhere, Buff..." Whistler responded as his hands came out to grasp her head on both sides at the temples.  
  
The moment he touched her Buffy saw an intense burst of light and felt a sense of vertigo, then a sharp pain ripped throughout her entire body. Then she was gone. As his touch took effect Whistler closed his eyes and gently readjusted his grip on the unconscious Slayer, allowing the power to sweep them both away.  
  
  
  
Pt.5: Alternate Unreality  
  
This time when Buffy came to, she found herself lying rather uncomfortably on the cold, hard ground and in a rather embarrassing position on the grass a few feet from the entrance in front of Sunnydale highschool. Or at least it would have been embarrassing if anyone could have seen her. It was a gloriously sunny day in Southern California, but weren't they all. She surveyed the scene before her with amazement, she guessed from the amount of people spread around her talking, eating and laughing that it must have been lunchtime. Her long dress flowed behind her as she moved through the throng of people towards her intended destination. She moved as silently as a ghost and even when she did touch someone nothing stirred, so that they seemed to be oblivious to her soundless passage.  
  
"Whistler was right, they can't see me. But I guess its fitting after all I am a ghost; aren't I?" The sound of her hushed voice startled her, and she giggled easily, feeling her tension melt away, at least for the moment.  
  
Something inside was pushing her forward so she decided to give herself up to that feeling, allowing it to move her to wherever it wanted her to be. That was when she saw them ahead, a dark haired boy and a blonde girl deeply engrossed in an apparently fascinating conversation. She was so shocked she nearly tripped over her own feet. It was her! She, Buffy Summers was the blonde girl, and Xander was the boy.  
  
She quickly moved forward to hear what was going on. She was amazed to hear the boy's excited response. "You mean it Buff, you'll go to the dance with me?" At the girl's nodding grin. Xander whooped in ecstasy. "Whoo hoo!!!" Then he solemnly took her hand in his, "I swear to God, Buffy you won't regret this... I promise." He stated with complete conviction as he planted a gallant kiss on her hand. Buffy gasped in surprise and watched as the boy walked away with an idiotic grin plastered on his face, and an extremely exuberant parting wave. She was surprised to see Xander had such a romantic side.  
  
She turned back to the girl, when she heard her contented sigh, "I could never regret it, Xan." She whispered with an equally silly grin on her face as she gingerly took the hand he had kissed and held it to her heart.  
  
"Whoa!" Buffy cried. This was just too, too bizarre. She could never feel that way about Xander, could she? Then Whistler's words came back to her, 'you'll see what would have happened had you chosen Xander over Angel.' So obviously the Buffy Of this wacko universe had already chosen Xander, was already in love with him. Buffy groaned and clutched her head in surrender. This was TOO much and now she had a double to contend with on this strange voyage of discovery.  
  
This in addition to everything else she'd encountered today was so confusing, she wished now that Whistler would have warned her of the existence of her exact replica here, wherever here was. She couldn't believe there were two Buffy's, ugh, if Snyder were here he'd probably have an aneurysm, and she couldn't help but laugh at the evil little troll of a man, "I bet he has nightmares that start out like this!" Buffy giggled, but her merriment was cut short. Then all she could do was sigh, there was simply not room enough in this world/reality or any other for two Buffy Summers to coexist simultaneously or peacefully. So without further ado (and without even recognizing she was doing it or why) Buffy began to think of her double as 'Anne'.  
  
Using her middle name in conjunction with the double greatly cut through the fog of her bewilderment and anxiety, without severing the connection she had to the other Buffy, because essentially they were the same person, ugh. To think of her double as 'Buffy' put her very existence in this world not to mention her sanity in jeopardy, and destroyed her individuality. Unfortunately that was one thing she was not prepared to lose. She'd given up too much in her short life already to part with such a necessity. Suddenly there was another flash of light, and then she was somewhere else. 


	2. Chapters 6-9

***Title: Like A Bolt Of Lightning From A Clear Blue Sky (6/13) Pt.6 - To Begin Again  
  
Spoilers: Everything, AU.  
  
Author's Note: This gets confusing, so if you have any questions let me know. 'Buffy'= the 'real' Buffy, 'Anne'=the Buffy in the created timeline. ***  
  
  
  
Pt.6: To Begin Again  
  
This time there was no sense of disorientation, no sense of waking up in a strange place, this time she was simply there one minute and somewhere else the next. Strangely, it was almost kind of cool. Now she was standing in a crowded area, obviously the school dance, and there they were right in front of her. Their laughter carried to those around them. Their joy was infectious, the tight way they held each other and the wide grins on their faces left no doubt as to how they felt about each other.  
  
Buffy watched the two, entranced as the night wore on. As their love continued to blossom right before her eyes she couldn't help but ache for Willow, seeing this must be breaking her heart. She realized soon enough that she couldn't get away from the 'Lovebirds' she was practically glued to them. Every time she tried to move away she found the way blocked by some invisible forcefield.  
  
At the end of the night she was pulled along with them as Xander took Anne home. She couldn't believe how relieved she was to see her home one more time, she had been beginning to think she'd never see it again. She couldn't help but laugh at the couple's awkward parting; it was good to see that Xander was still Xander even if the circumstances were a little different. The boy laughed to break the uncomfortable silence then issued a rather quick goodbye and turned away, he was blushing deeply, obviously unsure of himself. He was actually very cute, his shyness and vulnerability were refreshing but Xander always did wear his heart on his sleeve. That was probably why it was broken so often.  
  
Anne stood on the doorstep and watched this with amazement and uncertainty. She moved to call him back, hesitated and then quickly, before she could change her mind called his name. "Xander, wait!"  
  
He stopped in his tracks and turned to face her, with a question in his eyes but it was all erased when he found the woman of his dreams rushing to be in his arms. She grabbed him with incredible force and pulled his lips down to hers, melding her body to his. The kiss was gentle but incredibly passionate. All the waiting, all the anxiety, everything left unsaid or undone poured out in the fiery embrace between the slayer and her white knight.  
  
After tonight nothing would ever be the same again and they both knew it. As Buffy watched this from the outside she felt a twinge of something within, longing perhaps. God knows she had never kissed or been kissed with such passion, not even by Angel. They broke apart from the kiss only when the loss of oxygen became a problem, but they didn't break the tight embrace. They stood there in the darkness holding each other tightly, and soon began to sway, dancing to a song only they knew the words to. When they finally parted it was with a great reluctance and a long gentle kiss that spoke of many more to come.  
  
Then Anne watched ruefully as Xander walked away, and only when he was out of sight did she go inside. As if that was its cue Buffy felt another flash of light accost her but this time it wasn't any particular moment she witnessed but many in quick flashes, as if the other Buffy's memories were melding with hers.  
  
They truly loved each other, it was a miracle to feel it, so strong, so unbreakable, and she knew they would die for each other, without thought or question. This Buffy or Anne still died at the hands of the Master, but once again Xander saved her. The agony Xander felt when he saw his love dead was excruciating. But he never gave up and when he finally revived her; his name was the first thing on her lips.  
  
The fiasco on her seventeenth birthday with the Judge still occurred as well, with a slight twist. Angel never lost his soul, because it was Xander- Anne made love to that night and it was bliss. So sweet and beautiful, but this time it was a moment of true happiness for both of the parties involved. There was no horror, no pain, and the next morning she woke up in Xander's arms, as he gazed at her with such a look of complete love and trust that it made her weep with joy. Most of their exploits not dealing with Angelus remained the same, with slight variations in perspective. With Angel never losing his soul, a lot of things changed for the better.  
  
Ms. Calendar lived, and Giles forgave everything. They were married later that year, with Anne as maid-of-honor, and her white knight as the best man. A year later a little Giles was on the way, and Buffy had never seen her Watcher so happy, not even when the library received a new shipment of musty, old hellmouth related books.  
  
As for Willow she was also blissfully happy, in this world she met Oz earlier.  
  
There was a twist in this world though, a vey scary one. The moment the memory touched Buffy's mind she felt like she'd been punched in the gut, the wind was knocked right out of her and she was afraid she'd never be able to breath again.  
  
  
  
Pt.7: The Kilala: The Thief Of Souls  
  
In this world there was no Acathla. But there was something almost as bad- a Kilala; the bringer of death, stealer of souls. It is an incredibly powerful demon that feeds almost exclusively on human souls. Their powers are incredible, including telepathy and shapeshifting. One touch of it's skin and the victim is marked, and the Kilala are possessive by nature. If a victim is marked but escapes it's grip they are be hunted down until the Kilala feed, and then the victim dies. They are the exact opposite of human beings, the Kilala are very independent and solitary. Unlike people they prefer to hunt and kill on their own, they need no help. They are possessive of not only their prey but their territory as well. If one Kilala invades the territory of another they will issue a challenge and fight to the death, By eating the loser's heart and brain the Kilala absorbs their opponent's power and becomes stronger still. There is no loyalty or compassion among the Kilala they lust for power and destruction. There is no higher purpose than to gather as many souls as possible to increase their personal energy.  
  
When the Kilala came to Sunnydale they seemed unstoppable. Then they did something stupid; they pissed off the slayer. A single Kilala attacked one night as Anne and Xander were on patrol. Anne was hopelessly overwhelmed and Xander in full protective mode attacked the Kilala with his bare hands. The demon knocked him down and marked him before Xander or the slayer knew what was happening. Seeing her boyfriend at the mercy of this new beast spit out of the hellmouth, the slayer picked herself up and ran the thing off. The next day Xander complained of terrible nightmares, which Giles, after he was filled in on the previous night's events quickly informed them, was 'not good.'  
  
That night Xander didn't go on patrol with Anne, claiming lack of sleep the night before as cause. After midnight the Kilala attacked. It threw itself with glorious abandon through Xander's second story bedroom window, shattering the glass and the silence of the night. By the time Anne arrived at her lover's side Xander was almost dead. He was rushed to the hospital, on the way- with his hand still in her's his heart stopped. They were able to revive him with incredible effort, but the scars of those few minutes when his heart no longer beat, and he stopped breathing- etched themselves deeply into Anne's heart and mind. Even years later she still awoke screaming from the horror of watching him die.  
  
Anne didn't want to leave him alone so she called everybody to the hospital, with the exception of Giles whom she ordered to the library for research. Anne cried, prayed and begged more that night than Buffy ever had- even during the whole Angelus thing and after her fateful encounter with Acathla. Anne held Xander's hand tightly in hers, and talked of future plans that suddenly seemed shattered beyond belief. Their wedding day, with Anne glowing in white, the honeymoon, where clothes would not be needed. What she wanted to name their first child, Alexander, after his father- her knight in shining armor. Buffy was amazed by how deeply this girl by the bed wanted to have that chance, to bear Xander's child, to live forever by his side.  
  
Then a nurse was knocking on the window- Giles had arrived. And as Anne stood by the bed, she gently, tenderly brushed Xander's dark hair away from his face, lovingly placing kisses on his forehead, eyes and lips. Tears from her eyes slipped onto his face wetting his pale skin. With her face close to his she entreated, "Please, please don't leave me Xan, I swear to God you won't regret this... if you stay with me. I promise, please don't leave..." Then her voice broke, she wiped her tears off of his face, kissed him once more and then turned to leave, but was tugged back. His hand was still held firmly within her own, she hadn't let go and now she didn't want to. But she knew she was wasting precious time, if she wanted to save him; Giles was their only chance. Reluctantly she let go of his hand and walked out the door.  
  
As always Giles fulfilled his usual role as answer man. He knew everything about the Kilala even how to kill them, and providing that Xander survived until the Kilala was dead he too could be saved. If the victim were still alive when the demon died his soul would be returned. To kill the demon all Anne had to do was remove it's heart and brain, and destroy them both. Anne walked out of that hospital determined to destroy the Kilala or die trying. She had nothing left to lose. Without Xander her life wouldn't be worth the effort it took to survive on the hellmouth, or to keep breathing for that matter.  
  
When She found the Kilala she attacked it with a ferocity she had never felt before, ignoring it's tricks and games until her spirit finally broke it, then she cut out it's offending parts and crushed them with bloodcurdling satisfaction. Then it just disappeared. Soon afterward Anne, exhausted; faced the long trek back to the hospital to find out whether Xander was alive or dead. Anne couldn't let her mind linger too long on the horrible idea that Xander might have already been dead even before the fight began. Buffy was in a state of extreme anxiety as these memories that were not her own unfolded in her mind, suddenly the thought of losing Xander made her feel sick to her stomach (if of course she still had a stomach). The relief that she felt when she realized Xander was still alive, made her ache to hold him, she had been so afraid she'd lost him forever. Then the light flashed again.  
  
  
  
Pt. 8: Hard Decisions  
  
This time Buffy was back on the bluff and Whistler's hands were still enfolding her forehead. He was kneeling in front of her with a smile on his face. "Welcome back, slayer." Whistler greeted her cheerfully "Did you enjoy your trip?"  
  
After everything she had experienced in the last couple of days, Buffy couldn't help but feel lost and confused. "Did any of that stuff actually happen or was I just dreaming it?" Buffy asked incredulously. She put her aching head in her hands and closed her eyes. When Whistler didn't respond immediately Buffy looked up at him sharply. "Did it happen or not? It wasn't meant to be a stumper, Whistler. Please no cryptic crap, just answer me." Buffy beseeched him.  
  
"Well, Yes and No. What you saw was a kind of divine foretelling of what would have occurred had you recognized Xander as your soulmate, rather than chasing after Angel. So no, since you fell for Angel instead, things didn't turn out like they were supposed to." Whistler instructed gently.  
  
"So, If I go back now, our timeline wouldn't change would it? We would just pick up from where we left off, from the moment I died the second time and go on from there, right?" Buffy entreated anxiously.  
  
Whistler winced, "Actually, no Buffy it would have to change. I don't have the power to resurrect the dead, but I can put you back into your body at a preordained moment in time, prior to your death..."  
  
"...Before the Spring Fling?" Buffy whispered darkly.  
  
"Exactly, where it all began." Whistler responded warily.  
  
Buffy looked him in the eyes for a moment, and, "Then all the things I saw in the new timeline will occur, in our reality?" Buffy asked offhand, clearly deep in thought.  
  
Whistler nodded, not liking the guarded expression on the willful slayer's face. All Buffy could see in her mind's eye was how dark Xander's hair looked lying against his pale face and the pure white of the hospital sheets. The utter anguish that had swept her body as she watched the 'medic's frantically trying to bring the love of her life back from the abyss, when his heart stopped beating. Watching him die, and wanting to die herself so she wouldn't have to survive him, wouldn't have to continue living without his sweet smile, tender kiss, and those dark chocolate brown eyes that made her knees go weak.  
  
If she went back now she would be putting his life in jeopardy, God knows that Angel wasn't joking when he called Xander her white knight. To protect her he would do anything- even putting his own life at risk, suddenly that was a chance she couldn't and didn't want to take.  
  
In the other world Xander had survived his encounter with the Kilala, but what if he didn't survive his next encounter with the beasties of the hellmouth because he was trying to protect her. Maybe in the end it was better ended before it began, If she didn't go back she would no longer be around to put the ones she loved most, in danger. Besides in the end it was a slayer's destiny to die, she'd already lived longer than most slayers and survived the two called after her, she had a feeling her clock was just about up anyway.  
  
Whistler watched the girl with anxiety. He had an unpleasant feeling that her silence was a bad omen. "Wait before you decide! You need to see what will happen in Sunnydale after your final death. It won't hurt like before, but I think you need to see how vital it is that you make the right decision. The hellmouth without a slayer? Let's just say with your death things will change there forever!" Whistler told her darkly.  
  
Buffy looked at him sadly. "No it won't..." Buffy began in her best imitation of Giles in lecture mode. "Haven't you ever heard, when one slayer dies another is called to take their place. Before my blood is dry the next slayer will be kicking vampire ass in Sunnydale...all that's left to do is bury me. Out with the old, in with the new and all that." She tried to sound confidant, but it just came out as fear, and they both knew it.  
  
Whistler caught her eyes with his, "before you do anything stupid or go all noble on me, you have to look. I see you're conflicted but if you decide rashly without knowing the chain of events your death will set in motion, you will regret it for all eternity- do you understand what I'm saying, slayer. If you refuse this, you are turning your back on everyone who needs you, who loves you. All I'm asking Buffy is that you make an informed choice, alright?" Whistler pleaded earnestly.  
  
Buffy just stared at him her eyes were lustrous, if he didn't know any better he would think she was on the verge of tears, again. But he knew, even if she felt like it- she wouldn't allow him to see her so vulnerable again. She was just a slip of a girl, frail, and sad looking but her spine was made of steel, she had been conditioned by pain and her unfailing sense of responsibility for the welfare of mankind, to fight when all she really wanted to do was lay down and die.  
  
She was a great contradiction, the finest enigma he had ever come across but he knew that he would never get close enough to figure her out. She wouldn't allow that, besides somebody else had gotten there first. She was the rock upon which the future of the world depended, she could defeat the most terrifying monsters ever to be brought forth from hell- yet her own desires and judgement had almost destroyed her and all she held dear. But with his last words he had seen the stone cold reality of her resolve turn into fearful, agonized imaginings. She had seen enough of the hellmouth to know what dire consequences it could pose to any of the innocents caught in it's nightmarish grip.  
  
"What's happening, Whistler? Are my friends okay, my family, Giles...? How come I get the idea that this is going from bad to worse?" Buffy whispered as she tiredly raked her fingers through her long blonde hair. "Fine, do whatever you have to do, just do it now!" The slayer uttered with a cold edge to her voice.  
  
So Whistler did as he was told, and reached his palms out to the agitated slayer, to allow her to see the aftermath of her death, and to show her how powerful true love could be. To teach her that there was still promise and hope in this incredibly dark world. That there was one person whose love for her was so pure and true that they would drive themselves to madness and beyond the brink of hell and still never give up on her. True love was difficult to find, but unconditional, to find unconditional love was nearly impossible. Yet she had turned her back on it twice.  
  
When he felt the new timeline wash over the exhausted Slayer, He crossed his fingers that this time she would see. He prayed that whatever had so tightly fastened the slayer's blinders on would take pity on the two lover's and finally take them off, so Buffy could see at last the happiness standing right in front of her and just take the chance, God knows the boy's earned it.  
  
  
  
***Author's note: Here it gets a little confusing again. Xander begins to call himself 'Alex' after Buffy's death; he becomes almost a different person, but deep down Xander's still in there. ***  
  
Pt. 9: Love And Madness  
  
Once unconscious again Buffy was attacked by horrible visions, made all the more horrible because she knew it was really happening or soon would be. She could feel emotions that were not her own, thoughts; it was like she had been dropped into another person's body. But not just anybody's; it was Xander's and he was in agony. He had found her dead body in the graveyard, now he held her tightly, tenderly and rocked back in forth in abject misery.  
  
It was still raining hard and Xander was soaking wet, but he didn't even seem to notice the rain. His teardrops mixed with the rainwater pouring down his face as he began to wail, a high keening grief that seemed to meld and blend with the darkness of the night as a new darkness was born inside him. Bred from deep anguish, despair, guilt and unimaginable pain, Xander took a deep gulp of air then began to scream it all out, all the fury and horror.  
  
The woman he had loved for the last three years; his best friend was dead, despite all he had done or could do, she was dead. She was gone from his life almost as quickly as she had entered it, and with her went all the light, all the hope left in his life, all of his heart.  
  
All she would've had to do was ask him and he would have given her his life, his soul, his heart. All she would have had to do was give him that special look, that half-smile and he would have crawled through burning fire or broken glass to do her bidding, or just to make her smile. But she never asked him, she never really saw him and now it was too late.  
  
In a moment so quick he hadn't even caught it, his life, his soul, his future, his chance was shattered, broken into a myriad of pieces that glittered sleekly in the ravaging torrents of rain cutting him so deep these wounds would never heal. If he could curl himself around her now and simply die he would thank the stars, God, or whatever horrid creature of the hellmouth was kind enough to bestow the silence of death upon him.  
  
Because he had killed her, it was his fault and his fault alone, no one else could be blamed for this horrific act; her blood was on his hands! Earlier in the night Buffy had come to him seeking comfort, a shoulder to cry on- about Angel of course. Everything seemed to be about Angel where Buffy was concerned, since the vampire had left Sunnydale for greener pastures.  
  
In the last few months he had been getting a taste of his own medicine and it was a bitter pill to swallow. He was constantly chagrined to think he had put Willow through this agonizing ritual for the past eight years or so, ever since he had hit puberty with a bullet. Listening to the love of your life mope and yearn for another person was about as much fun as getting a root canal, with a spoon and no anesthetic.  
  
Tonight, he had had enough and when he couldn't taken it anymore he had just blown sky-high. They'd both said some things they regretted, at least he hoped Buffy regretted it too, and she had taken off into the storm without a backward glance. He had been comfortably in the middle of a good sulk when his phone began to ring sharply, startling him out of his thoughts. He lunged for it with superhuman speed, praying against hope that Buffy would be on the other line, as contrite as he was. But it wasn't Buffy, it was much worse, he felt the icy fear hanging over him the moment he recognized Joyce Summer's voice.  
  
Buffy hadn't returned home. The moment he finished speaking to Joyce he rescued a stake from his bureau drawer and walked out into the tempestuous night without thought or care except to see that Buffy made it home safe, one more night. But he was too late, again, just like Jesse, just a moment too late but the souvenirs would last in his nightmares forever.  
  
"God, Buffy I love you. I love you so much, please don't leave me ...Please, If you come back you won't regret it, I'll love you forever...BUFFY PLEASE! COME BACK!!!" He was screaming his heart out into the ravaging wind and battering rains, but it was too late for that. The one person to whom he had been dying to utter these heartfelt words to was gone forever along with the last vestiges of the Xander Harris who had existed before this horrible night. Now Alex was all that was left, and he was not the same, could never be the same.  
  
Buffy was battered by memories of a dead-eyed Xander standing far behind the others as her casket was lowered into the ground. Things were not the same, he pushed the others away- especially Willow which broke her heart. He soon began taking self-defense and martial arts classes determined to avenge her death. No one knew who had killed the slayer but common sense deemed that it must have been a vampire.  
  
In fact as these thoughts washed over her she felt an acute sense of embarrassment on two counts. First of all her 'killer' had been a vampire, she had been so lost and angry after leaving Xander's place that night that she had just needed some time alone to think. She hadn't even thought about the chances of running into anything needing slaying on such a miserable night. She'd been so consumed by the tempest within her own mind- that she'd barely noticed where she was let alone whether she'd been followed.  
  
She hadn't even known what was coming until it was too late and a newbie had ripped her chest open with his claws. The pain was so intense and the wound so deep she'd hardly put up a fight, by the end he was just playing with her like a child playing with a broken toy.  
  
The second count on which she felt suddenly amazingly ashamed... was the realization that hit her like a lightning bolt from a clear blue sky. She had already been in love with Alexander Harris. That night when she had run from his home with anger in her heart and tears streaming from her eyes, it was him she was crying over, him she was thinking of as she wandered the dark aisles of the lonely cemetery.  
  
And it was his name on her lips and his face held tightly in her mind as the pain tore her open and her blood washed the ground that night. She went to her death loving him, because she had been too stupid and self- centered to see who was really her guardian angel, her white knight. She had wanted the fantasy and in so doing had destroyed her only chance at real happiness.  
  
With Angel she had experienced many happy moments but his brooding and psychoses often overshadowed them. Angel made her happy for a moment, but Xander would have made her happy for a lifetime, sacrificing everything to ensure it. And she had been too blinded by lust to see it. Whistler was right after all, God she hated acknowledging it! Silent tears streamed down her face - she wanted out of this, she didn't want to feel his pain. Not now that she knew she would do anything to take it away.  
  
Between mournful visits to her grave he was rushing steadily, recklessly and without care toward his own destruction, she could feel it. He was mired in a deep abyss of apathy and despair, that no one could pull him out of. He had been her knight in shining armor but unfortunately there was no one left to fill that role for him. And by now he had begun to take up slaying as well. Every night he walked a fine line of life and death, praying for the latter even as he fought with an ability and savagery- which she had never witnessed in him. He became hard and bitter as the years wore on and as the people he loved died brutally and abruptly around him.  
  
Buffy felt how devastated he was when Willow died three years later; she died alone at the hands of her lover when Oz escaped from his cage one night. Once again Alex found the body of one whom he loved more than his own life. The pure agony he felt was staggering; it was almost as bad as Oz must have felt when he woke up from the fiasco covered in the blood of the woman he loved. He knew he was dead already, Alex would put him down the moment he found him, so he did the only thing left to him. In the middle of the day with the sun burning his eyes and Willow's blood curdling in his throat he walked out in front of a Sunnydale transit bus, the Two- fourteen to be accurate, he'd never have to worry about the full moon again.  
  
But Oz was wrong; Alex did grieve over him. Oz wasn't on the periphery of the scooby gang anymore he had been a friend, the best male friend he'd had since Jesse. Oz was right though, Alex probably would have killed him- if he'd caught him that day, and maybe the day after that but...like so many things lately it was all taken out of his hands.  
  
Through all these horrendous memories ravaging her mind Buffy was taken aback by the realization that this boy whom they had all treated like a nonentity, their comic relief was slowly and surely evolving into a better slayer than even she had ever been. He was turning himself into a killing machine weathering hardships she, even now could not fathom... the thought of seeing Willow die like that made her insides roil and if she had anything left in her stomach by now it would be gone. He was stronger than she had ever imagined and yet still so vulnerable, she ached for him. She never would have thought in a million years that her death would affect anyone the way it affected him, and it shamed her to see the depths of his love for her, which everyone including herself had assumed was just a silly crush. 


	3. Chapter 10

Pt.10: Death Becomes You (The Final Death)  
  
Suddenly it switched from feeling to seeing, to actually standing by while things occurred, and only being able to watch. In a darkened room Giles was tied securely to a hard wooden backed chair, he was bleeding badly and looked far too frail to be the Watcher she remembered. A new Vampire leader had emerged since she had died; he was too predictable though. Cold, calculating, monstrous in his hate. All he had to do was stand by and laugh as the heroes in town eliminated themselves from the game.  
  
Everyone except for the one he wished to be rid of the most. Despite his successes against the boy including turning mommy and daddy Harris into vampires, the boy simply refused to die. He staggered on like a drunk too stupid or wasted to know he should already be down for the count. Even as he fell to his knees he would pull himself up with almost terminal stupidity, begging for another round, too stubborn and too damn proud to give in.  
  
Alexander would not surrender, he wanted to die, but not in shame, he would go out fighting or he would hold onto life by his fingernails. The hold was tenuous but the heart behind it was strong.  
  
Now finally after all this time he had the boy within his grasp, taking the Watcher was an overdone but brilliant move, now that Alex had nowhere else to turn. And he knew the boy would not disappoint. He possessed a loyal and suicidal heroic streak at least a mile wide, he would die to save his last friend and that was what Isaack was hoping for.  
  
Buffy felt it all as Xander Alex crashed into Isaack's cliched vampire hideout, as if in a town overrun by vampires one would somehow overlook a musty, abandoned, boarded up factory as a possible 'vampire hideout.' It was really quite pathetic.  
  
Buffy watched as Alex single-handedly took out the two guards surrounding Giles, and released her frightened watcher. Once the watcher was free Isaack approached Alex, with a chilly grin, this was all working out according to plan. This self-appointed vampire slayer would die tonight. He wanted the boy for himself, Alexander Harris had been a thorn in his side for far too long now and he intended to remedy this problem tonight. It would feel good to tear the still beating heart out of the boy's chest and show it to him as he died. He relished the idea of finally tasting the revenge he had ached for, for so long.  
  
Buffy watched in agony as the two began to fight and she realized that Alex was out of his league. The vampire was too strong and too fast for him. But he lasted long enough to make it count. Isaack's fist connected with Alex's nose breaking it as his legs were kicked out from beneath him. Buffy could see the tide turning and was helpless to interfere so she contented herself with her tears and the sound of his name on her lips, praying against all of her slayer instincts that this fight would not end as she feared.  
  
Alex drunkenly gained his feet and faced his tormentor with a smile on his lips, as Isaack shoved his sharpened claws into Alex's flesh, blood gushed from the vicious wound as the vampire dug and twisted his claws into the fragile flesh of Alex's chest. However the outcome was not as sweet as Isacck had dreamed it would be. There was no screaming, no begging only two simple words that rang in the silence of the basement of the spartan warehouse.  
  
"Thank you." Alex stated calmly as he dropped the stake hidden up his sleeve into his right hand and slammed it into the vampire's chest. The look on Isaack's face as he burst into dust was most entertaining. Then Alex staggered back towards Giles who was lying in a heap beside the chair he had been imprisoned in. Blood gushed and splattered in large drops upon the concrete floor staining Alex's pants in a cacophony of blood.  
  
Alex collapsed next to the broken watcher unsteadily and checked Gile's pulse, it was still strong, and that gave Xander hope. He could feel no pain- it was as though he was feeling the affects of a very strong sedative. He just knew he didn't want to die on the floor in the ashes of his enemy, he didn't want to die alone like all his friends had, so he took Gile's hand in his and closed his eyes.  
  
As soon as he collapsed Buffy moved toward Xander with tears in her eyes, and touched his face with her ethereal hands, leaning her head against his forehead. Wishing this was a nightmare, because if this fate, then it was just one cruel joke after another.  
  
"Buffy…?" Xander's voice whispered softly. She jumped at his voice, and thought for a moment that he saw her. "It's finally over. I never stopped loving you…" She watched as one tear slipped out of the corner of his left eye, but the smile never left his face as he was released from this foul world that had tortured and enslaved him.  
  
Buffy sat there for a long time beside his cooling body, waiting to be taken back to her spot on the bluff, high above the blue mediterranean sea, where she could physically curl up into a ball and close out the darkness that now overwhelmed her. She just wanted to grieve. It still amazed her how quickly and silently change could sneak up on you and turn your whole world on its head.  
  
Giles awoke soaked in Xander's blood, the minute he recognized the still form beside him, he gathered the boy into his arms and began to sob like his heart was breaking, and it probably was. He was the last, left all alone in this seemingly unending darkness.  
  
But he would hold onto his promise to Xander with all his might. To bury the boy beside his lost love and return to England, and stay far away from the reach of the hellmouth. Giles had never told Xander the truth- that with Buffy's death, he'd been summarily released by the Watcher's Council.  
  
In the end he had stayed for his children, for his sweet trusting Willow, strong, silent Oz, and the brave and faithful boy now lying dead against his chest. Giles cried for the boy he held in his arms, for the death of his innocence and the ruthless murder of all his laughter and joy on a dark, stormy night long ago. He only hoped that Xander could finally find the peace in death that had been denied him all his life.  
  
Buffy watched the scene before her with an anguish deeper than any she had ever felt before and when she felt the disturbance around her that signaled the coming of the light she welcomed it with open arms. 


	4. Chapter 11

Pt. 11: A Leap Of Faith  
  
  
  
As she felt the solid ground beneath her feet, stars flashed in a monochromatic staccato rhythm against her closed eyelids. As soon as she found the strength to open her eyes Whistler was there, trying helpfully to guide her to her feet- while simultaneously trying to dry her tears. But it was too late or too soon, she didn't know which. Her legs were nerveless; her emotions in a shambles and Whistler soon gave her up to her pain; her wish to just curl up in a ball and disappear as the pain buffeted her crumbling defenses.  
  
Time seemed to stop on that quiet hillside with the bright glory of the sunshine surrounding her in a sympathetic embrace. She just could not wrap her head around all that she had witnessed and the change of heart that had accompanied all this strange and dark new knowledge. It hurt like a physical wound, she thought she had experienced complete and utter agony once before but she had never felt as bad as this before, never. It amazed her, how one moment Angel had been her whole life, everything she had ever wanted and now, losing him didn't seem like the end. Now if she could just get home it would be the beginning, the beginning of a love so strong nothing could break it, not God, or man, or death and certainly not Angel.  
  
Buffy pulled her face up to meet Whistler, gazing at him with still wet, red-rimmed eyes as she softly spoke. "Is this everything I needed to know before I make my decision about whether to go back or not?"  
  
Across from her, perched on a dazzling piece of granite shimmering in the sun Whistler continued to watch her. "What do you think?" The demon replied lackadaisically.  
  
That was the real last straw for Buffy, she gained her feet in seconds and knocked the demon to the ground with exquisite force. She was good at force, when words couldn't get something done, violence was usually an improvement in tactics. At least it had always worked for her and it made her feel better at the same time, after all the watching she had done today- it was good to get back into the action.  
  
"LISTEN TO ME YOU SELF RIGHTEOUS ASSHOLE, I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF THIS CRYPTIC CRAP, ALRIGHT! TELL ME HOW TO GET HOME RIGHT NOW OR YOU'RE GOING TO FIND YOURSELF ON THE WRONG END OF A STAKE, AND WITH ME THAT'S A VERY DANGEROUS PLACE TO BE!" Fire flickered in the slayer's eyes, cold miniature bolts of lightning flashing brilliantly with a powerful and ominous warning.  
  
"Jeez, Buff! You're in quite the mood today, I thought we went over this already, I thought we were friends? There's no need for violence... I was just joking, ok! Cool it!" Whistler pushed the girl away hastily, she might be small but she was incredibly strong and at the moment very angry, a lethal combination.  
  
"Oh, great point Whistler, Why should I be in a good mood?" Buffy retorted angrily. "I mean what did I do today? oh yeah I died, I watched my friends die and stood by as the man I loved was sliced open and left to bleed to death on the dirty floor of a stinking, vampire infested warehouse. I've had crappy days before, Whistler but this has got to take the cake. Add to it the load of crap you've put me through and I'd say this has to be the worst day in the history of humankind!" She was running out of steam now, she just wanted to go back home if she could. "Please Whistler, can I go home now?" Buffy whispered achingly.  
  
"Is this your final decision?" Whistler countered "You choose to return to your world, and you understand why it is SO important that you choose wisely?"  
  
"Yes!" Buffy returned humbly, "I just want to go home. Now, how do I do it?" She pleaded.  
  
Whistler watched her with kindness. "All you have to do is take a leap of faith." Whistler smiled at her, as his eyes looked meaningfully beyond her towards the cliff face visible just over her shoulder. In confusion Buffy glared at him and then turned back towards the impossibly high and extremely scary edge of the bluff on which she stood.  
  
The slayer laughed uncomfortably. "You want me to jump..." she smiled oddly and waved her hand at the ridge, "...off of that?" "I don't think so, this could all be some crazy plot to kill me, a get rid of the slayer scenario! It's crazy!" They had managed to find her one weak spot, she wasn't afraid of 'little' heights, i.e. roofs and stuff, but this drop was big, big, big, there was no confusing it with little here. Just standing near the edge of it made her dizzy.  
  
Whistler was still smiling. "You're already dead, Buff, and this is the only way.  
  
If you wanna go back and stop whatever nastiness you saw occurring in the future."  
  
Buffy stared at him; she was chewing thoughtfully on her bottom lip, all her uneasiness manifesting itself in that minute gesture. She walked to the very edge of the cliff, and closed her eyes in indecision. If she really trusted Whistler, then this was the only way, the only way home to Xander and the life she had dreamed of since she'd been a little girl and read her first fairytale. Where the handsome prince and beautiful princess conquered their demons and lived happily ever after.  
  
Then a powerful voice spoke up in the back of her mind. You're the risk taker, aren't you? The fearless slayer, conqueror of all things evil? Even if this is all in your imagination, some deluded dream/nightmare, isn't it worth it to take the plunge? Look at what you'll win if it works, If you ever doubted Xander and his love for you, then back out of it now, but if he never gave you a moment of doubt, then jump. because how can you lose? How can you lose with love on your side? At these words Buffy felt an immense smile break out upon her face.  
  
Whistler watched the slayer earnestly, worried, when suddenly she half turned to face him, and he felt all traces of reservation leave him. The smile upon her face spoke volumes; shone brighter than the sun, in all his years of observation of the human species he had never once seen anything to compare it to. It was pure happiness; all bliss experienced throughout centuries portrayed in one incredible moment of decision, and commitment. It was the look of love, or at least what love would surely look like if it was a solid, material object. It was immeasurably beautiful and for the moment Whistler felt how empty his life had been before he had ever seen that look, and it gave him hope.  
  
He watched entranced as the once fearful slayer gazed upon the space before her, then in a heartbeat she threw her arms behind her in a wide arc and dove towards the clear azure sea below her. Whistler moved forward to watch her on her wingless flight, and smiled as she plummeted to the water below. Where she disappeared before she reached the water, as if she had been plucked out of the air by some unseen hand. He began to whistle a jaunty tune as he walked towards the calm, cool beauty of the forest a few feet away. 


	5. Chapters 12-13

Pt. 12: Date Me?  
  
  
  
Abruptly Buffy found herself shuffling through the crowded halls of Sunnydale high, hauled along by Xander's strong grip upon her arm. "Over here." he stated agitatedly as he waved towards the benches across the lawn. With his calm insistence, the students occupying them soon left, grumbling to themselves. She could barely control her urge to stare at him, to lose herself forever in those warm but incredibly sexy chocolate eyes.  
  
Suddenly everything made sense, she saw him with brand new eyes, and Buffy definitely liked what she saw. He was simply, perfectly beautiful, inside and out. Her newfound propensity to ogle him was clearly surprising and embarrassing him. He was blushing deeply, and stuttering, struggling through his sweet but obviously rehearsed speech. She liked the fact that this scared him a little, yet he was doing it anyway. It showed a strength of spirit and character that the rest of the Slayerettes (with the possible exception of Willow) had been oblivious to for far too long. So she took a deep steadying breath and listened to his big finish.  
  
"Um...Buff, the Spring fling is a...time for students to gather together...Oh God!  
  
Buffy," he took a deep steadying breath as she flashed that incredible smile, his heart was doing flip-flops in his chest and he was afraid he would soon hyperventilate. "Buffy, I want to go to the dance with you, ok? Me and you on a date, together, with each other, not separately but together, on a date, you know?"  
  
Now Buffy was grinning openly, while Xander just looked sick. "I just want to dance with you, just once. It doesn't have to mean anything to you, no big romance or anything, please just give me one night to hold you, and It'll be enough to last for the rest of my life, then I won't ask again." His eyes were pleading with her, begging for a chance.  
  
She didn't want to put this off any longer, so she moved forward in her seat, closer to him. "But what if it does?" She whispered.  
  
Xander started "What if what does? What are you talking about?" he asked sadly and with complete confusion.  
  
"Mean something to me." Buffy answered back. "What if I want a big romance, what if I want you?" Her voice was hushed but he heard every word she said, and felt the words imprint themselves upon his brain like fireworks rumbling across a dark summer night.  
  
"Buffy, don't play with me, I don't think I could take it. Don't play games, just say no and leave it at that, alright?" Xander murmured quietly as he raised his chin to look her in the eyes.  
  
The look in her eyes was the last thing he had ever expected to see, they were glistening with unshed tears, and a longing he had seen only once before on her face and at the time it hadn't been directed at him. It took his breath away as she leaned even closer to him so that her lips were a mere inch or two away from his own. He breathed deeply and inhaled her scent, a whisper of vanilla, flowers, a clean spring day. She was everything good in this world...Everything pure despite what her eyes had seen and her hands had done, to him she was more precious than gold, more desirable than any other woman on God's green earth, what he wouldn't do to win her love could fill a book. She was the earth, the moon and the sun, the stars above, to save her he would go to the ends of the earth, or sacrifice his very soul, just to have her love.  
  
Their eyes met and held speaking volumes, with whispers and screams, and Buffy let her tears flow free as she finally released the answer to his question that would set them both free, "Yes, Xander. I would love to go to the Spring Fling with you, as your date. I want us to go together, as a couple." Buffy announced with a smile.  
  
His immediate reaction was not what she was expecting...he laughed bitterly. "Mmmm…you're just pulling my leg, having a little fun at the Xandman's expense right?" He cut her explanation off before she could begin to explain her change of heart, so she decided to switch gears a little and go on the offensive. So as he continued to rattle on in the same vein she grabbed him and pulled him into the kiss she had been hungering for ever since she had watched their doubles kissing in her visions. It was an incredible kiss infused with all the hunger, yearning, love and devotion she now felt towards him.  
  
If no words could get through to him she knew this would, because kisses never lie, she would never have kissed him like this for a joke and they both knew it. They pulled apart panting and out of breath, with probably the entire schoolyard staring in shock but neither cared. As soon as their eyes met they smiled in unison, grinning like fools, knowing this was only the beginning.  
  
Surprisingly Xander was the first to turn serious again. "Buffy, are you sure about this? Is this what you want? What about you and Angel... I don't want you to settle for me just because you and Angel have some issues to overcome. I think you're the best Buffy and you deserve more than that..."  
  
But now Buffy took her turn to interrupt, "Has anyone ever told you that you talk too damn much?" She asked tenderly and moved closer to her knight in shining armor. "I'm not giving up anything by choosing you Xander, if I end up without you, that's settling, that's giving up the finest thing I've ever had the privilege of discovering. You know the best and the worst of me but you love me anyway, I just can't believe I've been so blind for so long. So please Xander Harris give me this chance- Date me?"  
  
Xander smiled sweetly, "You mean it, Buff?"  
  
"Absolutely, you know me better than that Xand, I never say what I don't mean." Buffy felt real trepidation at his almost blatant refusal to accept her admission of affection. She was afraid that maybe it was already too late for them. The idea that she had possibly destroyed the best thing ever to touch her life, before it even began terrified her, but she had to keep her faith, or go mad.  
  
But the minute their eyes met she knew it was ok. His warm brown eyes caressed her lovingly, and she knew that somehow whatever came their way they could handle it, their love was stronger than death, fate and all the horrors of the Hellmouth.  
  
"That was really smooth Buff- date me? You smooth talker you, how long did it take you to come up with that one?" Xander grinned as he moved closer to her.  
  
Buffy smiled back; "Well I had some help..." she answered vaguely and was rewarded by his telltale blush. Then minutes later he was rewarded by her blushing furiously as he stared at her, taking in every detail as if to permanently brand her visage into his mind and heart.  
  
"What?" she whispered smiling tenderly.  
  
"I just want to remember how you look at this moment, in case this is all a dream and I wake up tomorrow and you're still in love with him. But I don't think even a dream could do you justice, to see that look on your face directed towards me is amazing, and frankly I never thought I'd see it. Whoever said dreams don't come true, huh?" Xander murmured, his voice tinged with happiness and awe.  
  
"Not me." Buffy whispered softly as she moved in to kiss him again. Then it was just the two of them; everyone and everything else ceased to exist. As even the Hellmouth itself, stopped and gazed in wonder as the slayer and her white knight finally found each other, and placed the first brick in the foundation of a love that would last for all eternity, and put all others to shame.  
  
Whistler really had been right; this was just the beginning.  
  
  
  
Pt. 13 : Epilogue: Uh-oh: or Never Piss Off A Goddess  
  
(Unless You Have Another Way Home.)  
  
  
  
The figure stood at the edge of the forest overlooking the meadow with it's colorfu wildflowers, the cliff face about thirty paces away and the calm azure waters of the fiord below it all. He had been standing here for hours meditating on the slayer and her love, and envying the happiness that awaited them. It began to move closer to the edge of the cliff and as it did so the facade it had kept so meticulously began to fade away. He was not Whistler, in point of fact 'he' was not a he at all.  
  
Where the short, pudgy demon dressed like a pimp from the seventies had been moments earlier there now stood a very tall, elegantly dressed beauty. She had to be over seven feet tall, with long luxurious, flaxen hair. She was dressed in flowing white robes, which clung to her every curve and swayed, in the gusting breeze. Her feet were bare, and pale pink roses clung worshipfully to her lush golden head. This woman radiated with a sense of power and purpose and everything in this world seemed to revolve around her…to belong to her. As she contemplated the vista in silence, peace reigned and the gathering darkness wrapped itself around her like a cloak. The waiting had begun.  
  
*************************  
  
Later, when the voice rang out behind her she felt no fear. "I still say you didn't need to trick her, 'Dhite. That slayer is one sharp girl. If anyone could have reasoned with her it would have been you." Whistler announced with aplomb.  
  
"No. She was too headstrong!" The woman answered shortly. "She needed to be approached by someone she knew and trusted and your cryptic schtick had her enthralled. She would have treated me and all I had to say with doubt, and we didn't have enough time for that." The moment her voice echoed off the granite of the crags it was easy to tell that this woman was not human. She was Aphrodite, also known as Venus among a host of other names. She was known in all languages as the goddess of love and the epitome of beauty and romantic love.  
  
"Besides, despite all she's seen- I highly doubt this girl would have believed me had I told her who I really was. No one believes in the old gods anymore, we have been cast aside like dirty dishwater. We have outgrown our usefulness, now religion is bought and sold, broken down into pieces small enough for public consumption. Nobody really believes in anything anymore, that faith is gone...Maybe forever. And as faith dies so too does our power, eroding beneath our feet like sand into the sea."  
  
Whistler didn't know how to respond to that- she seemed preoccupied, so he changed the subject. "So this whole 'it's a wonderful life' crap was meant to show her how important she was in the scheme of things...?" Whistler questioned curiously.  
  
"Umm, not really. It was to show her how important he was. She had to feel it, she had to lose herself and him to find the truth. To realize it was real. She'd lost all her faith in love and fate. And I couldn't have that- even if it was her own fault that she and that vampire messed it up so royally." The deity grated a little angrily.  
  
"Oh, did it work, your plan I mean? Did she finally see the kid for all he was worth?" Whistler questioned eagerly.  
  
"Yes. I showed her the truth. All that could and would have happened in her life had she only seen the truth in the first place." Her smile was sad as she turned to Whistler, "I showed her the truth and that was all she really needed. You were right she is a very smart girl."  
  
Whistler stared into the sea as evening gave way to the darkness of the dead of night.  
  
"Can I ask you something, 'Dhite?"  
  
"Go ahead..." she answered meeting his gave levelly.  
  
"Why did you bother with it. Why expend so much energy, I mean restoring her life, and creating these realities to essentially mess with their lovelife. What does it matter in the scope of things, really?" Whistler pressed with confusion. "I mean she is a slayer. Their lifelines aren't terribly long to begin with, in the end isn't this just a lost cause- a lot of effort for nothing?"  
  
"I guess I'm just a sucker for true love." The woman answered silkily. "Besides I think you underestimate her ability and tenacity." Whistler looked at her with surprise as the woman grinned.  
  
"What answer did you expect, Whistler? After all I am the goddess of love! I just couldn't stand by watching the mess she made out of it, besides no one else could or would do anything about it. They were made for each other, meant to be together forever, and I hate when something (or someone) interferes with the destined course of love. They commit a crime against both fate and myself. People may not know I exist but I'll be damned if I'll let them walk all over me. Which reminds me Whistler, you're partly to blame for all this, if it hadn't been for your pupil; tall, dark and sulky, none of this would have ever happened."  
  
"Hey, I had nothing to do with the slayer and Angel hooking up! They did that all on their own so leave me out of it, ok?" Whistler stated decidedly  
  
The deity smiled coldly, and grinned. "Oh, I think not handsome. You and your vampire owe me, a debt of restitution. And I never forget what's owed to me! We'll meet again someday when I deem your debt is due. Then and only then will we speak again of these matters. And it is a very, very big debt!" As Aphrodite spoke her brilliant blue eyes flashed gold, and flickered in the dark night. Around her the night wind and the darkness began to swirl, and flashed with fiery light.  
  
"Don't forget the score you and your vampire owe me Whistler, and warn the fiend to stay with his own kind as nature intended. Higher forces than even I protect the boy and the slayer and they will brook no interference from anyone. Oh, and Whistler if you call me 'Dhite' again, I'll turn you into wormfood, alright?"  
  
Then in a flash she was gone. Leaving Whistler alone with his thoughts. "SHIT!" Whistler cried into the night. "Now, how the hell do I get home!" He shouted distractedly, and this day had started out so well. Angel was definitely going to get his ass kicked for this, the demon decided as he wandered into the cool night air beyond, definitely!  
  
  
  
***The End*** 


End file.
